she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
