They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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