If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
