I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
