I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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