he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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