just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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