i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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