I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize