cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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