so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
