They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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