my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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