yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
