hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
