The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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