I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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