Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it because I queefed?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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