first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
