i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
