Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
