he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
