I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
