when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
