how can u be prego again
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So much rum. So many feels.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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