just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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