btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
