who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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