u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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