I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
