I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
