Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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