YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
