Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
