Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
