The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We're too hungover to prance.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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