Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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