Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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