no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
