Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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