Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
