He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
