I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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