My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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