I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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