Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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