Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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