If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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