Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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