I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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