I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
