My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had sex on a roof
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Randomize
