you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize