On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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