i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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