my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize