So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
