I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
