Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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