I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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