Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
