You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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