So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
