it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
