I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize