I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
