In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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