I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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