So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
